The Pain of Relationships and Whatnot
by NotOfSignificance
Summary: Lovino is a high-school student living with Antonio, who practically raised him. Something happens which forces them to re-evaluate their relationship. AntonioxOC. Eventual Spamano with mentions of RoBel, Prumano, GerIta and so on. Rated M for excessive bad language and adult themes.
1. Introduction

**AN: This is based on a true story. I do not own Hetalia. If I did Spamano would be the main story line and this would not be classed as Fan Fiction. Please read until the end (If it doesn't bore you of course) and try to enjoy. Thank you.**

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**Chapter 1 : Introduction **

Why is it that we take so long to realise our own feelings and by the time that we do finally realise, it's too late? The object of those feelings has already been claimed by something or someone else. It has already been snatched up and taken away from us by someone or something else.

Sometimes (if you're lucky enough) the feelings disappear or fade away and you move on to something else, but other times you have to live with it for the rest of your life, knowing that you let it slip right through your fingertips. You have to watch as someone else - someone who should be you, latches onto the object that should belong to, or at least be with you. You have to watch painfully as they make that certain someone smile and make them happy. You regret being so stupid and for not realising your own feelings. Your heart breaks, knowing that someone else gets to hold them. Knowing that you love them with your whole being and knowing that they'll never love you. Your feelings will never be returned.

Why is it that when we do finally receive the love from that object, thing or person we act like we don't want it any more? A venomous jealousy had caused our feelings to change and we no longer felt the need to own it. We still want it, yet don't see the need, so refuse to take it.

Why is it that when we have the object of our desires we try to change it? We notice things that we don't like, things that we never noticed before. We try to get rid of these 'things' to secure the relationship, but we realise that in changing something, it wasn't what we wanted in the first place then was it? So eventually we no longer want it or need it, so we discard it and move on to something seemingly better.

I know what you're probably thinking. That it's all lies and that true love does exist. It does for some people, but I merely speak from past experiences. I speak out for all of those who feel the same, but especially for myself.

People tell you that: "You just haven't found the right person yet. Be a little patient. It takes time." But for some people love never comes. They spend their lives searching for that 'special someone' who never appears. Some people die alone.

They say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but what if you loved and lost plenty of times and I mean plenty of times. Like on a regular basis because you fell in love rather quickly. (Well so you thought anyway). They made you feel so special. They made you believe that you belonged together. They made you believe that it would work, but it doesn't work. It doesn't work at all. They break your heart and leave you for another.

You wait for someone to come along and fix it. They mend it pretty well, but unfortunately you can still see the cracks on the surface. Then they break it even more than the last person had. It's harder to fix this time because the pieces are smaller and there's more of them too. Eventually you grow tired of this thing called "love". You no longer wish to set yourself up for failure. You've had enough of being fooled and all of the heart ache that comes with it.

You'd much rather be on your own because at least then no-one could hurt you. Over time the loneliness begins to hurt too and there's nothing else you can do, but spend your days sulking and wondering "What if?" This is the case for many people.

Some consider "love" and "loneliness" to be very closely related, so closely related in fact that people can confuse the two with each other. Can you tell the difference? Well can you?

The name's Lovino "Romano" Vargas and recently I seem to be encountering some difficulties with my feelings. If you were wondering what all that was about earlier; I was reading a book entitled "The Pain Of Relationships and Whatnot". Why was I reading it you ask? Well, for one: in some people's opinions I supposedly don't know how to get along with others and 2) I'm kind of confused about my feelings towards er...some people. I really don't know why though.

I'm a seventeen year old, senior student at Hetalia Gakuen. My brother is two years younger than I am and attends the same school. Not that it matters or anything. I just thought I'd mention it, as everyone seems to care more about him. He's currently dating that damn potato bastard who is also a senior. I live with this weird guy named Antonio who practically raised me. He goes to college along with his creepy friends Francis (fuck-face) and Gilbert (the potato bastard's older brother). They often come over for dinner, but I think they're just there to make advances at Antonio and I. Antonio though, is too oblivious too even notice. Sometimes I think he's just a kid trapped in an adult's body. What an idiot, right?

Oh yeah, and he's gay too.

He's in a "relationship" with some guy named Lorenzo or Pablo or some shit like that. I'm pretty sure it's Lorenzo though. Maybe Pablo's his middle name? Who cares anyway? He's a prick. Only Stupid Antonio can't see that. He doesn't let me eat whenever we're waiting on Antonio to return from shitty college. It's only shitty because it means I'm stuck with Lorentoe. Yeah, that's right. Lorentoe, because he stinks and he looks like a big, fat, hairy toe. No, not literally. He's kind of a hit with the ladies as I recall (can't imagine why though), otherwise Antonio wouldn't even look at him twice. That may sound rather shallow, but it's true.

He also looks through my stuff when I'm out. (He usually gets home before I do). I think he works as a Bartender or something like that. Who gives a shit about a punk like that? Anyway as I was saying; I'm not any ordinary teenage boy who flirts with girls all day and loves to be the centre of attention. Okay maybe I flirt with girls, but only the pretty ones. Other than that I'm different. I find it extremely hard to make friends and to just get along with people in general. As I said before, everyone around me seems to either be a pervert, a potato bastard or a complete pain in the ass. It's no wonder I don't get along with them. They're the freaks, not me. Stupid fuckers.

I'm so glad that it's a vacation. (I hate going to school). Although, I get bored rather easily and I have nothing to do, so I decided to go to the library and borrow this book.

"Hm?" A voice resounded from behind me. "The Pain of Relationships and Whatnot?" It was Lorenzo. The nosey bastard. "What did you get that for?"

"None of your fucking business. That's what for."

"Jeez, Lovino. You're a cheeky little brat." He smirked. "I'll be sure to tell Antonio about the way you speak to me." He said while leaving the room.

"Yeah well who cares? Tell him whatever shit you want!" I yelled after him. There was no reply.

He was such a tattle-tale. Every time I did something wrong he'd tell Antonio and I'd be the one that got into trouble. He seriously sucks! I hate him. Bloody fuck-face.

Later that evening Antonio returned and made pasta for dinner. My favourite. I was looking forward to it because I love pasta, but Antonio was probably tired from college, so it wasn't as nice as I thought it would be. In fact it didn't taste nice at all. It..."Tastes like shit." I stated kind of loudly. Antonio looked slightly upset whereas Lorenzo just glared at me angrily.

"Oh...I'm sorry Lovino. I'm just a little tired from my studies. I'm sorry if you don't like it." He sighed. "Would you like me to make you something else?"

"No. That'd probably taste like shit too 'cause you're tired and all. You should go rest damn it, so you can make better food." I grumbled. Sure, I sounded mean, but I was starving. Didn't I tell you that Lorentoe didn't let me eat while we were waiting for Antonio to come home? Yeah, I did. "I'm going to bed." I declared, stomping out of the room and up the stairs to my own. I flopped down on the bed. Doing nothing all day was exhausting. I found the tomato that I had stashed under my pillow and devoured it hungrily. Man, I was hungry. I hate stupid Lorenzo. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him!

I could faintly hear them talking down stairs. Lorenzo offered to do the washing-up and told Antonio about earlier. Antonio accepted his offer, but insisted on helping. "The Pain of Relationships and Whatnot, huh?" Antonio wondered. "Maybe he's in a bad relationship. That would explain his attitude."

"I don't know Antoni," He began using his stupid nickname. "He's always kind of cruel to everyone. Not just you and I."

"Ah, well. Who knows, but Lovino?"

"You should go rest. I'll finish up here." He claimed, cheerily.

"Really? Thank you. You're such a dear to me Lorenzo." And then they probably kissed or something corny like that. I pretended to sleep as Antonio entered my room to check on me. "Buenas Noches, Lovi.~" He whispered while kissing me on the cheek. Damn weirdo. I wasn't a kid any more. People would get the wrong idea if they saw this. Lorenzo especially. Why did he have to do such things? It was so...so gay. "Sweet dreams mi tomate." Fuck you! I seriously wanted to punch him, but I couldn't because then he would know that I was actually awake. Stupid bastardo!

I drifted off to sleep shortly after that. I must have been really tired. However when I woke up the next day Antonio was gone and it was just me, Lorenzo and the floorboards. Fuck, this was so shit!

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**AN:** **Kind of a cliff-hanger huh? I am trying to improve my spelling, so if you notice any spelling mistakes please let me know. Thanks again for taking the time to read this. Ciao!~**


	2. Unexpected Actions

**AN: This chapter contains some mild gay-bashing which I certainly do not approve of. I wouldn't be writing a Spamano story if I did. Unfortunately (or fortunately) Hetalia does not belong to me. I hope you enjoy this. Thank you.**

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**Chapter 2 : Unexpected Actions**

Lorenzo the butt-face was in the living area reading the newspaper. "Hey." He called as soon as he saw me. "Do you have a girlfriend or something?"

"No, why?" I asked, slightly confused as to why he would ask such a thing in the first place. It was probably something to do with the book.

"Then a boyfriend? I'm just curious." He quizzed even further.

"Hell no! I don't swing that way!" I yelled taken aback. He's such a weirdo.

"Then why do you have this book?" He wondered while holding up said book.

"Hey! How did you get that!?" I fumed. I was not happy in the least.

"You left it on your bedside cabinet, so I figured why not?"

"So you came into my room while I was sleeping and stole it?"

"Yes, that's right, minus the "stole" part. I was merely borrowing it."

"Whatever, as if fucker!? Give it back!"

"Okay. Okay. Here you go." He threw it at me.

"Th...thanks fuck-face."

"You're so rude, mean and cruel, did you know that?"

"Fuck you! Prick."

"Antonio works so hard and all you care about is yourself and your shitty little book."

"Th...that's not true, dick-wad."

"Liar, I think it's about time someone taught you a lesson."

"What do you mean by that?"

He put the newspaper aside and swiftly removed his belt.

"You're not going to...are you?"

"As if I would. I bet you would like that though, wouldn't you? But no. I have other things planned you little brat!"

"What are you going to do to me?"

"Oh nothing much. Just standard stuff." He walked towards me reaching out. I attempted to run away, but unfortunately I failed; tripping over in the process. He was on me in a flash, straddling me; one hand pinning both of my wrists above my head the while the other posed with the belt ready to strike.  
He brought the belt down with immense force, striking me on the stomach. Fuck! He was strong.

"Ouch! You dick! That fucking hurts!" I bellowed. I definitely did not scream. You hear me? Did not scream. I struggled beneath him, trying to free myself from his iron grip, but to no avail. "You bastard! Let me go!" He just laughed at me. What a freak!

"Give me one good reason why I should." He answered smugly, as if to mock me while hitting me on the stomach yet again. It was bloody painful damn-it!

"Fucking stop it or I'll! I'll..."

"You'll what? Tell Antonio?" He snorted. "He already knows that you hate me, so if you tell him he'll just think you're trying to get rid of me and will probably scold you." He smirked sinisterly, striking me several times repeatedly. My eyes were watering by this time. I couldn't help it. It was fucking sore. My vision began blurring due to the build up of excess moisture. "Ah~ Crying already I see. What a baby."

"F...fuck you damn-it." I retorted with all the force I could muster.

"So rude." He replied. I suddenly felt a draft in my nether regions as he presumably pulled my pants and trousers down to around my ankles.

"H...hey! What the fuck!?" I roared. I suppose my face was bright red as I was embarrassed. The sheer humiliation of being on show to him of all people was just too much. I all but whimpered; not because I'm a wimp or anything, but because I feared what he may do next.

He looked at me shamelessly and grinned fiercely from ear to ear. A loud laugh erupted from within him. "Aw, you're kind of cute when you're not yelling." He taunted me, flipping me over so that I was on my knees with my back facing him. I cried out as he brutally attacked my ass with his seemingly, merciless belt.

"Ow! Stop it!" I was actually crying by now; my vision completely blurred and my knees buckling beneath me. Can you blame me after all he has done?

"No can do." He snarled while hitting me harder this time.

"Aaaaaaah!" I boomed, 'cause remember I don't scream. I'm much too manly for screaming.

He simply sniggered, ignoring my protests. "Your blushing, crying face is much cuter than that stupid sour expression you always wear."

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!" He yelled, tugging painfully on my hair. "You deserve this for all the suffering you have caused Antonio over the years!" He was acting like a madman, an insane psychopath. What the fuck!?

"Get off! You fucking evil, psychotic bastard!"

"I bet you'd like me to stick something up that cute little ass of yours. Hm?" He mocked me. That bastard. How dare he?

"Rot in hell you sick fucker!"

"No thanks." He replied wickedly, continuing his onslaught.

"Stop it, you gay, cock sucking fag!"

"I already said no. This is your well deserved punishment for all the torment Antonio has had to endure."

"Why!? I haven't done anything wrong!" I retorted. Who the hell does he think he is!? Who the fuck does he think he's talking to!? Fucking bastard! I hate him!

"You have. A lot of times."

"That was in the past!"

"So, what's that got to do with it?" He asked in a harsh, foul tone.

"I don't know! Everything! Just fuck off and die!"

"How vulgar. Someone should wash your mouth out, you filthy little brat."

"Coming from you!" Who's he calling a brat? He's the brat. "You're the brat! Shit face! Not me, so there!"

"I've had just about enough of you. Shut up now Lovino Vargas or I shall have to shut you up myself. Do you want to get cut? I've got a knife that's just been polished and I'm aching to use it." He threatened. "I believe it would look better wedged under your flesh."

"No!" I answered in a frenzy; shaking my head violently from side to side. What? I didn't want to get stabbed, okay? So shut up.

"And why not? I bet you're secretly a little masochist."

"It would hurt and I'm not! You're a sadist, now get off of me!"

"Aw. How mean. Of course I am. Watching you squirm helplessly brings me pleasure. Cry some more."

"No. Please just stop it."

"Would you like this in you?" He said, suggestively motioning to his "you know what".

"No! Fuck off!" Okay, this time I screamed. A manly scream of course and head butted him as hard as I could. It hurt me too though. Damn-it all!

"You little bitch! That hurt!" He threw the belt to the floor and rubbed his wounded cheek, trying to alleviate the pain. "Now you're going to get it." He grabbed my hair, tugging harshly and pulling my head backwards in the process while punching me repeatedly in the face until he drew blood from my lips. Damn, so much pain. Producing a knife from his trouser pocket, he grated it against my stomach, grazing the skin off slowly and painfully.

"Fuck! I'm sorry! Please stop! No more!"

"I'm going to draw a beautiful picture on you with this knife, would you like that?" I blanched at the thought of it. "Just joking." Fucking psycho! In what way is that a joke? "Now be a good boy and raise your hips a little." He smirked, dropping the knife to the floor and gripping my sides roughly.

"W...why?" I wondered, complying however. He might kill me if I don't!

"I want to try something." He stated simply. "But first, have you ever had sex?"

"No." He's not going to do that, is he?

"So, you've never had anything up your butt? No fingers? No dildos? No vibrators or anything?"

I flushed at his lewd choice of words. "No."

"Oh, how delectable you are when you blush." He whispered in my ear. "I can see why Antonio has put up with your behaviour for so long." His hands slid further down my body and came to rest on my abused butt cheeks. He groped them and kneaded them greedily. "I'm surprised Antonio hasn't claimed your fine little ass already. Well, I guess his loss is my gain."

"What are you talking about, you bastard!?" I was enraged by what he had said and done. "You're in a relationship with Antonio. You can't just attack his young ward!"

"Silly Lovino; what Antonio doesn't know cannot hurt him."

"It's still sick and wrong!"

"Well, I guess I'm just sick and wrong too." He chuckled darkly. "Anyway, you being a virgin is going to make this all the more satisfying."

"You wouldn't!" He wouldn't, right? He couldn't. It would break Antonio's heart. Not that I care about that tomato bastard or anything, but I thought he loved Antonio. Why is he doing this?

"Oh, I certainly would." He parted my cheeks just to prove his point. "And I'll enjoy it too."

"But, you'll break Antonio's heart!"

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**AN: Thank you for taking the time to read this. Feel free to point out any spelling mistakes. Cliff-hanger again. :D Review?**


	3. Incident Occurs

**AN: I've skipped a bit as they seem to be deleting a lot of M rated fics, so I haven't included the most explicit sections. If you would like to read it please give me some ideas of where else to post it. Again, I do not own Hetalia. Thank you.**

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**Chapter 3 : Incident Occurs**

"Ah~. You're so good considering you're inexperienced and all. It must be beginner's luck. Oh~. You're almost as good as Antonio." I sighed in response, continuing what I was doing. "More." He ordered, pushing it in further. "Do you like what I'm doing? Do you like the taste of it? He asked crudely. I shook my head. "No? But Antonio loves it. I love it when he does this to me too." He cackled. I cried at this. Well, wouldn't you? I was being forced to suck his… I don't even want to say it. He was going to rape me and he's going to break Antonio's heart in the process. Not that I care about Antonio or anything, but this man was being unfaithful and was violating his "lover's" dependent. How could anyone be so cruel?

He was going to take my virginity, my only innocence I had left and he was going to destroy it. He was hurting me so badly and if I didn't do what he wanted he would do worse; like kill me or cut my arm off or something horrible like that. I wish someone would walk through the door and help me, but I didn't see that happening any time soon. Antonio wasn't due back for a few more hours and his friends were at college now also. I was going to be raped by my guardian's lover and no-one could do anything to stop him. Is it my fault? Do I deserve this?

I was too caught up in my own thoughts to notice that he was finished. He grabbed my hair tightly attempting to remove my mouth from his "Extra appendage". I didn't want to release it, as the longer it was in my mouth, the longer I could avoid being raped. He didn't agree with this though as he tugged at my hair brutally. "Enough." He demanded and I ignored him. He somehow managed to dislodge me though and slapped me on the face afterwards. "I said enough!" He roared, punching me in the ribs. "You stupid whore! You should listen more often."

I hissed in pain, nursing my battered ribs as best as I could. He shoved me to the ground and stood up, kicking me in the side and spitting in my face. Ew gross! During this all I haven't had any pleasure. Just pain, extreme pain and more pain.

He straddled me again and leaned into me, pinning me beneath his much larger form. He tore my shirt off completely and yanked on my nipples painfully. "Ow!"

"Oh shut up!" He snarled into my neck. He bit into the flesh, tearing some of the skin away and causing it to bleed. Fuck it hurt! He then did it again and again, but to different parts of my neck. He smirked in satisfaction, moving to my collar bone and doing the same there on either side. He pulled back to admire his work and I struggled beneath him earning a knee to the crotch._ The pain. _"So beautiful." He murmured like the weirdo he is.

"Stop." I pleaded. He simply ignored me, trailing painful kisses all the way down my chest and stomach. Gripping my hips painfully enough to break a bone, he forced me to remain flat on the ground. He bit into both of my nipples, one after the other opening more wounds in doing so. I probably looked like a human pin cushion by now, with so many cuts scattered upon my body. I think it's safe to say that he didn't leave a piece of skin untouched. I was sobbing the whole time. Don't judge! When he approached my hips he nibbled softly for a moment and licked the flesh that covered the bone, smiling to himself like a freak. But the small touch of gentleness was replaced by even more pain as he grabbed the knife and nipped at the flesh of my waist. He proceeded to my thighs, leaving wounds there too and then stopped to study my shivering, blood encased frame.

"You look so lovely like this." He purred. "If only you would make other sounds, rather than pathetic sobs and whimpers." He threw the knife away again and reached for my curl, pulling it forcefully." I bit my lip, stifling the moan that had tried to escape my throat. No way in hell would I make such a noise.

"Stop it you fucker. Haven't you hurt me enough already!?"

"I suppose so, well this is getting rather boring." Thankfully he released my curl. Turning me again, so I was on my stomach he commanded: "Get on your knees." I did just that, not wanting to be hurt further than he intended. I'd rather not be hurt at all though. "You're so compliant." He mocked.

He held my hips again while I prepared myself for the pain I knew was coming, but surprisingly enough it never came. Instead the door swung open revealing two shocked faces. The shock slowly morphed to anger as they realised just exactly what had happened. The weight of the situation finally sunk in.

Both men leapt at Lorenzo, knocking him to the ground and successfully separating him from my panic filled being. I had never been more thankful in my whole existence than I was in that short moment.

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**AN: Sorry it's kind of short, but I'll try to get the next chapter to you sometime soon. How was it? Rubbish? Okay? Please let me know. Reviews are very highly appreciated. Oh and feel free to point out any spelling mistakes. Thank you and good bye. Until next time. Ciao.**


	4. Aftermath?

**AN: They seem out of character, but I don't believe they would act the way they usually do in a situation like this. Also I think that Gilbert/Prussia can be serious and helpful when he wants to be. He's not just some egotistical punk. ****It may only be me that thinks this though. There's implied Prumano depending on which way you look at it. Spamano is still my favourite though, but I like when Lovi gets love no matter who it is.  
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**Disclaimer: Hetalia and the characters involved don't belong to me, well except from Lorenzo. He is my own creation.  
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**Chapter 4 : Aftermath?**

"Antonio!?" Lorenzo yelled in panic. "I thought you weren't due back for a few hours."

"What, so you could continue having your way with my almost brother?" He snarled, emphasising the "my" while punching Lorenzo in the face repeatedly. "I ought to have you arrested you sick fuck!"

"Antoni, it's not what it looks like." He wheezed through burst lips as he received a blow to the stomach which knocked the air from his lungs.

"Do not call me that! Please enlighten me. What the hell were you doing to Lovino!?" He roared. I've never seen him like this before.

"I was trying to teach him a lesson."

"Don't fucking lie to me! You were trying to rape him. Weren't you, bastard!?"

"Antonio calm down, I was only…"

He grabbed him by the collar. "Don't tell me to fucking calm down! Just shut up and get the hell out of my house!"

"But…"

"You have one minute to leave or I'm phoning the cops." Gilbert interjected.

"Don't ever come back here. You hear me? We're finished!"

"Fine, but I'm sending my girlfriend to collect my stuff."

"Girlfriend!? You filthy, cheating rapist! Get out. NOW!" He growled. And with that Lorenzo finally left the premises. Thank the lord for that.

"Toni…"

"Gil, please help Lovino into the bath." He sighed bitterly. "I'm going to bed. I need to think things through."

"Sure thing dude, the awesome Gil is happy to help. No problem." He grabbed my shoulders gently as Antonio left the room. "He can't hurt you now." He led me to the bathroom and drew the bath, assisting me into the tub. His eyes fell to my many wounds. Hissing slightly, he frowned as the water turned red around me.

"I don't really like you, but thanks." I tried to sound thankful.

"It's no problem at all." He smiled warmly at me. "As I already said, the awesome Gil is happy to help." I laughed slightly at his over eager attitude. He joined in, but somehow I could tell that his laugh was forced. "What he did was so not awesome. I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

"You don't have to pretend to care, but do you think I deserved it?" I asked, too drained to mind that I was naked before him, too drained to be mean.

"Of course not." He said angrily. "Don't think for one minute that you did. You, Toni and I all know that you didn't."

"Lorenzo said I did."

"What does he know? He's just some sick punk." I wasn't really convinced though. "Look, Lovino. I know you're not the nicest person in the world, but you're likeable. I'm sure he was just some crazy ass, psycho. Trust me Lovino. You did not deserve it. No-one does."

I sighed, defeated. He was right. I was just being stupid.

"Thanks Gilbert, you're…tolerable." I tried to complement him, but that was the best I could say, considering I don't really like him. It was better than nothing I suppose.

"Thanks." He laughed, but this time it was genuine.

"Does it count as rape if it's not actually the penis that enters?" I blushed at my own words. This was so embarrassing!

"Attempted rape. It would have been rape had we not entered the room at that moment, but that still doesn't change the fact that he did something horrible and needs to be punished." Gilbert informed. I've never heard him say so many intelligent things in one day. When did he get so smart?

"I know that, but I mean does it count as sex?"

"Rape never counts as sex in my opinion." He said matter of factly.

"So. I'm still a virgin then?" Wait. Why did I just say that? Oh, god he's going to laugh at me. Isn't he?

"Unless you've ever had sex before now then yes."

"Thank god." I sighed. "I'm so glad that I didn't become some pervert's bitch. Why are you back anyway?"

"The teacher went home sick and Francis went to some chick's house. Otherwise we would have went to the pub. I'm glad we didn't though."

"Yeah, potato bastard 2. Why should you care anyway?" I exclaimed, returning to my usual way of speech.

"I see someone has returned to 'normal'. I like it better when you curse. 'Cause at least it means you're okay. I don't know what I'd do if someone hurt you like that." He stated. "Did I just say that out loud? Oops."

"What ass-hole?" He just laughed again. "Thanks fucker."

"No problem brat." Then he left to go speak to Antonio, leaving me in the bathroom. I don't know what he meant by that. I scrubbed and scrubbed, trying to remove all traces of him. I felt so dirty and used, like a whore or a prostitute. My skin was red raw by the time I was done, but I still didn't feel clean. I must have been in there for a while as the water around me had turned cold. What about my clothes? He had destroyed one of my favourite shirts. He was a total bastard. At least I still had other nice clothes.

The potato sucker returned with something for me to wear. Who knew he had such good taste? I didn't bother to thank him. I've been nice enough for today. Hopefully I can get some dinner and then tomorrow I can go get myself tested for any STDs. It sounded like a plan.

After dressing, I walked through to the living-room to watch T.V, finding the room clean. "Don't worry. I burned the stuff that he touched." Potato prick called from the kitchen. Was that pasta I could smell? It was! "Here, Lovino." He handed me a bowl. It smelled heavenly. Taking a bite, I was surprised at how good it tasted.

"I never knew that a potato sucker like you could make such good pasta or any pasta at all for that matter."

"Well Feli visits a lot, so I figured I might as well learn to cook pasta. Considering they're usually too busy to make it for themselves."

"By busy you mean?" He nodded. "That's revolting." I screwed my face up in disgust.

"At least you didn't walk in on them once. Gott that was horrible. I thought someone was being murdered or something." He explained. "Ever since then, I knock before entering."

"Really?" I smirked.

"You didn't think I knocked out of manners did you?"

"Nah. You don't have any manners."

"Hey! The awesome Gil is a complete gentleman."

"Somehow, I find that hard to believe.

"Yeah. You're right." He burped loudly to further prove my point.

"Aw man. You're disgusting!" I yelled, half serious.

"Well the ladies don't seem to mind."

"They must be stupid."

"Maybe, who knows?"

"What's wrong with Antonio. Not that I care or anything." I added for good measure. "I've never seen him so mad before."

"He's disappointed in himself for letting such a guy near you in the first place. He's ashamed of the way he acted. He never meant for you to see him that way."

"But why?"

"Poor dude, blames himself for what happened. I already told him that it wasn't his fault, but he won't listen to reason."

"And you're the voice of reason now?" I teased.

"Yeah, for a change I am. That's probably why he doesn't believe me."

"Most likely."

"He just needs some time to rest and think it over. He should feel better in the morning."

"Stop sounding so smart you potato creep! You're freaking me out."

"I'm sorry, but someone has to be in this situation and if it has to be me, so be it."

"You're a real fucker you know that?" His maturity was actually creeping me out. How in hell can the obnoxious bastard be so intelligent!?  
Fuck him. I must admit though, it was a nice change from his usual behaviour. At least he wasn't being a self-righteous prick about everything.

"Is that your way of saying that I'm a nice guy?" He joked. "Kesesese, I'm just playing." His signature laugh, how stupid and annoying and irritating it is to hear that again. Yeah, that's what I meant.

"Shut up! It means exactly what I said."

"I know. The awesome Gil just loves to annoy people." He laughed yet again. How many times must this man laugh in one fucking day!? It's really annoying! "Especially you, you're an easy target because you get annoyed so easily."

"No. I do not! You're just really annoying you prick!"

"What can I say? It's a talent."

"A shitty one at that."

"So I've been told." He took my bowl from me when I was done and cleaned it, drying it and placing it where he had found it. "Well it's been real, but I've got some work to tend to."

"Potato bastard um, th..."

"You don't need to say it. The awesome Gil understands."

"Fuck you!"

"I'll see you later Lovino. Try not to be too mean to Antonio okay?"

"Shut up, fucker!" He frowned disapprovingly. "I'll try my best. Okay dammit!"

"Good. I phoned the police, but they said it wasn't serious enough for them to do anything about it. If you ever need me, I'm just a call away. See ya."

"Mm bye." I grumbled. Why was he being so nice to me? What a strange bastard. I think I'll go to bed now. Yeah, I'll do that. "Goodnight bastard!" I called, hoping Antonio had heard me. Maybe he was already asleep though. He didn't reply. Oh well, he can suit himself then.

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**AN: Why would the police not do anything about it? The awesome Gil has no idea. Nor do I. Any way, I'll try to get the next chapter done soon, but I make no promises. How was it? Rubbish? Reviews are highly appreciated.  
**


	5. Difficulty Sleeping

**AN: Okay, a short chapter ahead again. Just explaining how Lovino feels about the whole situation and paving the way for some Spamano-y cuteness. Still no Spamano yet, but we will reach that point eventually. Kind of irrelevant, but the clocks went back an hour where I stay, so now it gets dark at four to five O'clock. That's pretty early if you ask me. It also means it'll be even darker in the mornings. Oh joy. As if starting school earlier wasn't bad enough.  
**

**Disclaimer thing: Hetalia and the characters involved do not belong to me. Except from Lorenzo. He is my own creation.  
**

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**Chapter 5 : Difficulty Sleeping**

I tried my best to sleep that night, but the sweet state of slumber never washed over me. Thoughts of hours passed racked my brain. I just couldn't forget what he had done and what could have happened had the two bastards not shown up at that moment. Every time I closed my eyes, his face would appear, snarling ferociously at me. I knew that he was not actually there, but I couldn't help, but feel frightened. What if he climbed through my window to finish me off while I lay there? Part of me knew that could not happen, however I wasn't willing to leave that to chance. I held onto my blankets tightly, hearing his vile voice echo in my ears. It was sickening to say the least.

"Did you enjoy that?" The voice asked cruelly. "Or were you expecting more?" I looked around, checking to see if he was there. He wasn't though. Thank the Lord for that. It was just my mind playing tricks on me. The pain emitting from my many wounds did not go unnoticed as I hissed and turned to get into a more comfortable position. If I wasn't going to sleep I might as well be comfortable.

Another voice joined in, in the sick remarks. I covered my ears in a failed attempt to stop the mocking, but how could I block out my mind by covering my ears? It was impossible, to think that anyone could.

"Well did you Lovino?" Another called in a menacing tone, dripping with resentment. "Did you love how he gripped you, the way he latched on to you? Did you feel loved? Hated? Did it feel good?" It sounded vaguely familiar. "Why would you let him do such a thing to you in the first place?"

I didn't let him! I wanted to scream. How could anyone enjoy such a thing? "Tell me, was it worth it Lovi?" Antonio? Why was he saying these things? No. He wasn't really. It was just my mind, my conscience making it all up. I felt guilty for what happened, but I didn't like it or want it. I'm sorry Antonio. "For what? For letting him? For not pushing him away? Or are you sorry for leading him on?" He asked sinisterly.

I swear. I didn't let him! He was really strong damn it. How could I possibly fight him off!? I didn't lead him on, did I? Surely not. I didn't do anything to bait him and even if I did it was unintentional. Really; it wasn't my fault.

You just get some really sick, fucked up people in the world that do such things and think they can get away with it. No matter their age, race or gender. It disgusts me really. To think that such people exist and to think that my virginity was going to be claimed; my first time was going to be forced and unwanted and by with someone I hated.

Your first time shouldn't be forced. It should be wanted by both participants. It should be special and consensual and it should be with the person you love or are in love with. At least that's always what I've thought and believed. Should being the key word, that doesn't necessarily mean that it is that way for everyone. In some cases, people's first times are forced and horrible, where there is no love, just pain and brutality.

I thank the heavens that there was someone there to stop him. No bastard deserves to force themselves on someone and get away with it, no matter what the circumstances may be. Fuck! When did I get so mushy? I guess it must be one of the emotional side effects of nearly being raped.

If I could find all of the rapists in the world and cut off their sexual organs, I would. I'd make them eat it too. **Without chewing! **Damn my head sure is fucked up. I'll need to get that checked out too.

I wonder what Antonio's first time was like. What!? Why would that even spring to mind? Really, why should I care what it was like? I mean it's not like I I...love him or anything. I'm not even sure if I like the creepy bastard. But, he did help take care of me when my grandfather died. He wasn't all that bad, was he? Of course he was overly happy, oblivious and down right stupid at times, but at least he cared enough to show me kindness and he gave me clothes, food and shelter along with a nice bed to sleep in. He was almost like an older brother to me, so I figure it's only natural that I'd want to know about his first sexual escapade. You know? The birds and the bees talk and all that crap. Come to think of it, we haven't had "the talk".

If we had, would things be as they are now? Was that maybe a reason why he blamed himself for what happened? Maybe I should ask him...but would that make things worse?

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**AN: Yes, I kind of share Lovino's opinion. Hm? I guess our minds are maybe just a little bit messed up. Anyway next chapter shall contain a visit to the Doctor. You can guess who the Doctor will be if you want, but I'm keeping it a secret. Reviews are always appreciated, even if you're just going to call me a crazy person. At least you took the time to contribute something. Until next time. Bye.**


	6. Doctor's Visit

**AN: Here we go. Another chapter. I think this chapter is kind of cute, but that may just be my opinion alone. Personally I dislike going to see the Doctor, especially if it's a male Doctor. I have a strange phobia involving males touching me in any manner, so yeah. I just always request a woman. Any way, please try to enjoy. Thank you.  
**

**Disclaimer: Hetalia and the characters involved do not belong to me. Except the reception lady and Lorenzo. They are my own creations.  
**

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**Chapter 6 : Doctor's Visit**

Bloody hell! How awkward I felt right now. It seriously couldn't be worse than this. Okay maybe it could, but still. As awkward levels go, this was probably the most awkwardness anyone has had to endure. Antonio wasn't making it any easier. He just sat across from me; unusually quiet, eating his breakfast which he had prepared for himself of course. Like hell, I would make that bastard anything. He'd have to starve first and even then I probably still wouldn't make anything for him. I would cook for myself though as my cooking was excellent. Antonio's wasn't bad I guess.

I sighed, very loudly might I add, alerting his attention. He looked over at me with swollen eyes. H...had he been crying? He was also lacking his usual smile and dazzling expression. I mean goofy, goofy expression. His eyebrows were knit together and his lips curled in a frown which looked utterly out of place on his usually bright features. Damn it. It looks as though he is a man who has lost everything. In a way he had really. He'd lost his so called "boyfriend" and found out that he'd been dating a psycho who tried to rape his almost adoptive brother. That must really hurt a person. Not that I would know, but just look at him; he's hurt and broken. So am I.

"Talk damn it. Your sudden silence is annoying." I groaned out. He looked really upset for a moment, before he shook it off.

"I'm sorry Lovi." He mumbled. "Really. I am. I should have never left you with him in the first place. Had I known he was capable of such a thing, I would have never let him anywhere near you. I'm truly sorry."

"Oh, please shut up." I grumbled. "Anyone is capable of it given the right circumstances."

"Excuse me?" He pouted, taken aback.

"Stop blaming yourself you stupid shit. Really, it's not your fault. It never was and never will be, Okay bastard?" He just gaped at me in surprise. "You were never to know that such a thing would happen. Just be glad that you made it in time. The only one to blame was and is that dick Lorentoe. Believe me you thick headed turd, it wasn't your fucking fault!" I yelled, this time grabbing his face in my hands. He smiled this time, biting his lower lip to stop the chuckles from seeping through. They didn't go unheard though and became a fully out blown laugh.

"What is so funny, you dick?" I growled.

"Oh Lovi~." He cooed while wiping a tear from his eye. At least it was a tear of joy. "Ah~ you're so funny, making me feel better in a way only you know how. I have no idea how yelling at someone can cheer them up, but it works when it's you doing the shouting." He was back to his "normal" self. At last. It was way better than his moody, depressed state of being, right? I never thought I'd hear myself think that. He pulled me into an awkward hug, which was kind of hard to do, considering there was a table between us, but somehow the sneaky bastard managed it. After all, he was an expert when it came to hugs or something like that. How strange.

"Stop being so miserable, okay?"

"Sure Lovi, anything for you~!" He chirped eagerly. My heart beat weirdly in my chest. Damn Lorenzo, must have gotten me sick. Anything for me? W...what was that supposed to mean? "Let's go and get you tested shall we~?" He gripped my hand, standing up and pulling me with him, entwining our fingers together soothingly. I let him, only because he'd stop being depressed. Plus it kind of maybe, possibly felt nice. Wait, no it didn't! I swear it didn't. "Although, he was my boyfriend, I'm not taking any risks."

We took Antonio's car -a shiny red one- to the local Doctors. I was allowed to sit up front for the first time in a while. Lorenzo always sat in the front. "So, Lovino. How are you feeling~?" He wondered, concerned.

"I'm fine actually." I reassured him.

"That's great~. Any pain?"

"Not really." I shrugged.

"Good~!"

"Yeah, it is." We pulled into a parking space and made our way. A pretty woman was there to meet us at the front desk. She smiled warmly in acknowledgement before speaking.

"Hello Sirs. And what can I do for you today~?" She greeted us politely.

"Um, Hola, I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo and I'm here with Lovino "Romano" Vargas for a priorly arranged appointment with Doctor Honda."

"Oh, of course, Mr Carriedo right this way." She said, opening a door to her right. "Follow the yellow lines down the hall and you should find his room no problem. If you should get lost, ask a member of staff for directions."

"Thank you Miss." I thanked her, giving her a smile and a sly wink. She blushed cutely and nodded, while returning to her station.

We managed to find Doctor Honda's room without much difficulty. When I say much, I mean Antonio kept singing "follow the yellow brick road" and I kept shouting at him to stop, causing various members of staff to come and ask if we were lost. I apologised plenty of times and then we found Doctor Honda's room. The end. Well, not literally, but the end of that part.

Antonio knocked on the door making our presence known. "Come in." A voice called, so we did. "What seems to be the problem?" A small man with dark hair and rimmed glasses asked from his seat.

"Oh, um, well." Antonio began.

"Don't worry, everything said will be completely between you and I okay? Well depending on the circumstances, but still. I'm not one for gossiping." He explained. "First of all which one of you is my patient today?"

"That would be me." I offered, stepping forward.

"Lovino Vargas." He confirmed, looking at the computer screen. "What brings you to my office?"

"There was kind of an incident yesterday." I gulped.

"What kind of incident, may I ask?"

"Well, you see, I was almost raped." I blurted out quickly. He looked at me with concern written all over his face.

"When you say almost, what exactly do you mean?"

"Um..."

"Mr Carriedo can leave the room if you find it easier to talk to me that way." He claimed. "If that is okay with you of course Mr Carriedo."

"Yeah, that's fine." So Antonio waited outside while I told the Doctor everything that had happened. He nodded occasionally, but his expression remained grim the whole time. He examined me fully and then invited Antonio back into the room to report his findings.

"It's overall good news Mr Carriedo," He began. "I gave Lovino a physical and mental examination. his body seems to be okay, but his mental state is slightly under average. I believe that with the right amount of love and care, he should be back to usual in no time. I have also prescribed some ointment for the cuts and various other wounds and pain-killers for any pain due to said wounds. He won't need to undergo any extensive care or surgery and as there was no real penetration, his risks of getting a sexually transmitted disease are extremely slim. Other than the fore-mentioned problems he is as fit as a fiddle. The results should be sent by mail between two to nine days, depending on those results we will be a phone call away. Well if that is all, I will see you later perhaps."

"Yes, thank you." I replied.

"Take care now. Have a nice day."

"You too, Dr Honda Sir."

"Please call me Kiku."

"Thanks Kiku~!" Antonio cheered.

"No problem. Just doing my job. Please do be gentle with him for a while." Wait what the hell is that supposed to mean!? Be gentle with him. Does he think we're lovers or something? Ew, gross.

"Don't worry I will. Bye~!" We made our way back to the car, while Antonio chattered about what we would have for lunch and then something about a siesta. I wasn't really listening though and just nodded as he continued talking. "Phew." He breathed out as we sat in the car. "That was good news, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"Yup~" He grinned. "I'm just glad that you're okay."

"Are you?" I questioned stupidly, only to have him envelope me in a bone-crushing hug. Man, he was strong. "L...let go."

"Of course I'm glad. Had anything been wrong I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself." He explained while releasing me.

"No I meant, are you okay?" I corrected, even more stupidly as he hugged me again, but this time placing a kiss on my forehead too.

"If you're okay then I'm okay Lovi~!" He called in a sing-song voice. "It's so sweet of you to care~."

"How does that even work out? And I never once said I cared. It's just that you need to be okay, so you can look after me dumb ass, that's all okay!? So don't get your hopes up penis breath!"

He chuckled at this and buried his nose in my hair. "Of course mi tesoro, I understand you perfectly."

"No you don't and what's a tesoro?"

"Oh nothing." He smirked cheekily. "Nothing at all."

"Well whatever. Let's go home. I'm tired and hungry damn it!"

"Me too Lovi~! We're so in synch."

"Shut up. We're so not."

"How mean." He pouted for the second time that day and started the car. "Let's go~!"

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**AN: I wanted to throw Kiku/Japan in there somewhere. Why not make him the Doctor? Yeah, he thought that they were dating. Normally the Doctor would call for you, but not this time. I just couldn't resist the "Yellow Brick Road" thing. I can just imagine Antonio saying that and Lovino getting them into trouble for shouting. Haha. Any way. Thanks for reading and as always reviews are appreciated. Please let me know what you think. Bye.**


	7. Revelations

**AN: And yet another chapter. I must say, I felt hungry while typing this one. I am slowly beginning to run out of ideas, but I shall try my best.  
**

**Disclaimer: Hetalia and all characters involved do not belong to be. Except for Lorenzo. He is my own creation.  
**

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**Chapter 7 : Revelations**

The rest of that day seemed to go by in a flash. I found myself sitting at the table, having had lunch and a siesta and I was now waiting for Antonio to finish preparing the dinner. Don't look at me, he was the one who insisted upon it. Okay maybe I wasn't entirely against the idea either. I just wanted to sit there and do nothing damn-it. Is that so wrong? No, I don't think it is.

He was making a mixture of my favourites; pizza, pasta with extra tomatoes of course! And for dessert; churros. Oh, I used to love them as a child, not that I'll ever tell him that. "What's the occasion?" I had asked earlier. He had smiled and said:

"Good health."

Whatever man, I was just happy to be spoiled for a change. "Here Lovi~. Pasta for starters." He said, setting the plate before me. "Just the way you like it~."

"Th...thanks." I mumbled quietly, digging in to the meal before me. Antonio munched happily on his own pasta while studying my expression contently. Once finished he brought out the Pizza, handing me the biggest slice. What is he up to? As they say: The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

"Are you enjoying the meal?" I nodded, my mouth too full to speak. He giggled childishly while humming a familiar tune.

Finishing what I had in my mouth, I decided to make conversation. "So Antonio," I began, licking some sauce from my finger. I noticed Antonio watching me closely. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Aren't I always nice to you Lovi~?" He wondered, slightly confused.

"Yeah, but not this nice."

"Well, what happened made me realise that I've sort of been neglecting you. I know I haven't been around a lot and you had to suffer because of that. I'm really sorry for not being there for you all of the time. I do need to focus on my studying, but on my days off like today I'll spend more time with you. Think of this as an apology, okay~?"

"Well, okay, since I'm such a good person." I sighed. "Stop apologising damn-it bastard it's annoying! It's okay really. It doesn't matter what happened."

"Um, more?" He offered, handing me another slice. I took it gladly. "So how's that book coming along? Have you finished it yet?"

"Haven't really had the chance to read it what with what happened and all. I'm pretty sure Potato-bastard two burned it though because I don't even know where it is now."

"Oh."

"So um, what was um..." I stuttered, mentally cursing at myself.

"Yes Lovi~?"

"I mean, we haven't had 'the talk'."

"Hm? What sorry?" He puzzled. "I see. 'The dreaded talk'. Well you know about the birds and bees and all. You probably already know about sex too, so I don't really need to explain that part do I?"

"I have an idea." I said, blushing brightly. "So how do you know when you're ready?" Fuck! This was awkward!

"You just know. The feeling is mutual and you both want it, but if you love someone it makes it all the better 'cause then you feel good emotionally and physically."

"Really? Was that what you felt when you were ready?" I really have no idea why I even said that. It was as if my lips were moving on their own accord and that I couldn't control what did and did not come out of them. Antonio just chuckled. Darkly?

"Lovino, your view of sex is refreshing, but not the case in many situations. My first time was far from pleasant." He winced at the thought. "It was quite some time ago. I was young(er) and (more) foolish. We were casually hanging around when one of my friends suggested we try it. It was terrible. I never imagined sex could be such a bad thing."

"So, so you?..." I whimpered in slight fear and shock.

"Lovino, you know what it's like when you're not ready, don't you? It's terrifying. To think that you could get hurt or that you could hurt the other person never even occurred to me. Neither of us were ready. We were nervous and it didn't work out as planned. There was so much blood. I think that should give you a good idea of what happened."

"That's why you reacted the way you did when he nearly..."

"Yes, but also because I don't want any harm to come to you Lovi~."

"You're too mushy." I complained. "I never knew..."

"What? That I was so mushy?"

"No, that your first time was horrible."

"You want to know what the worst part was and is though?"

"What was it?"

"I enjoyed it." He groaned in disgust. "It started to feel good after a while. How could something so rotten feel good? I was confused and then I guess that's how I started to prefer men."

"So that's how you turned gay?" I asked curiously.

"I don't really think I just 'turned' gay as you put it. I think I already was gay, but I just didn't know it."

"Right."

"Well, gay, straight or bi, rape is never a good thing. Sometimes if not most of the time victims will blame themselves and or try to or succeed in committing suicide. That's why I was so mad when I saw him trying to rape you. I wanted to murder him for it. I should have never trusted that filthy man with you."

"At least he didn't succeed."

"He would have, had it not been for Gilbert. It was his idea to come back here in the first place."

"I don't really like the potato-bastard, but I'm th...thankful for that." I was really. He saved my virginity after all, with help from Antonio and the teacher being sick and whatnot. I owed him one, but I probably wouldn't be returning the favour any time soon.

"You know, Gilbert's not actually that bad once you get to know him. He's great for a laugh and to hang out with and he's actually quite insightful as well as a good listener.

"I find that hard to believe." I muttered under my breath, but he still heard me though. "Did he tell you to say that?"

"Maybe you just haven't given him a chance. I mean he was nice to you yesterday after the incident, right? And I'm just looking out for a friend."

"Yeah he was, but only because you told him to be. His niceness freaks me out." I admitted honestly.

"There's no convincing you, is there?" He laughed joyfully.

"Not at all. I refuse to believe it."

"At least you are honest. What if he has to keep you company while I'm at college? Hm?"

"How can he? He's in the same class as you, idiot."

"Sometimes he gets to skip class, because he is awesome as he says."

"Then in that case; I'd rather not have him here at all."

"I thought you didn't like being alone Lovi?"

"Yeah, well I'd rather be alone than be left with the potato-bastard for a whole day."

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**AN: Thanks for reading. Reviews are always appreciated. Even if it is to say how bad this is. Any way, I'll try to get the next chapter up pretty soon, but I make no promises. It all just depends on how much homework I have to do. Thanks again. Until next time. Bye.  
**


	8. Conversations?

**AN: Terribly sorry that it's kind of late, but I did my best. I have no idea where this story is going at the moment, but I do know it will get there at some point. Where ever there is. I imagine this chapter would take place during the weekend or something like that. The thing about churros is they can be considered French or Spanish really, as when the global market came to town they were in the French section along with crepes. There was just Paella in the Spanish section.  
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**Disclaimer: Hetalia and the characters involved do not belong to me. Except Lorenzo. He is my own creation.  
**

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**Chapter 8 : Conversations**

"I thought you were on holiday from college in a few days." I explained.

"Well, about that..."

"What?"

"I kind of need to do some extra work over the holiday, so I still need to go into college then."

"Really? You're not just saying that and then really just going to go out with someone?" I asked in suspicion. He's done it before; I think that's how he met Lorenzo. I really don't know why he wouldn't just tell me if he was dating someone. It's not like I cared anyway. He really is a strange, strange person. I'm surprised that his stupidity hasn't rubbed off on me yet. He just shook his head.

"No, really Lovi. I have to do extra work."

"What kind of college is it if it makes the students go in during the holidays to work?"

"Not a very good one, but it's better than most." He sighed.

"Fine. Whatever."

"How's about dessert then?" He wondered cheerfully.

"Sounds good I guess." Mmm, that did sound good. I have kind of a sweet tooth sometimes.

"You just sit there and I'll go and get the churros~." He returned with a plate full of them. "You sure can eat Lovi. Hm, I wonder where it all goes?"

"Most gets stored as energy where as the rest is waste products."

"I know that, but I meant where does all of the weight from it go?" He quizzed. What was this? Twenty Q or something? "You eat so much and don't gain any weight Lovi~. I'm so jealous."

"My ass. I do put on weight. It's probably because I'm still growing and have a kind of fast Metabolism. That's why you don't notice when I gain weight."

"Oh, I see." He replied simply. "But your physical appearance doesn't change at all."

"Are you sure about that?" Really? I thought the change was noticeable. Maybe it was just me being insecure about my appearance and body as usual. I was by no means "fat", but I wasn't exactly all that thin either. I had the right amount of meat on my bones, thank you very much.

"Yes. I've known you since you were a child and taken care of you for a good few years now. I think I would notice a change in my little Lovi's appearance."

"I'm not your 'little Lovi' damn-it!"

"You used to be."

"Yeah, well that's a thing of the past now, isn't it?"

"Yes, unfortunately..."

"What do you mean by unfortunately?"

"It means you'll have to move out soon and get your own house. I'll miss you when you leave. Promise me that you'll come and visit, okay?" He pouted childishly.

"That won't be for a few years or so." I explained. "If it'll stop your whining then I'll come and visit you. Happy now?"

"Yes, I am very happy~!" He squealed, almost crushing me to death with one of his bear hugs. "I'll be able to cook for you again and tell you stories~."

"Yay." I said sarcastically.

"Doesn't that sound like fun~? Then we can..."

"Whoa. Don't get ahead of yourself now." I interrupted.

"Remember Lovi, you promised~. Oh you can also help me harvest tomatoes like you used to do when we were younger and then we can go for a bath~." What?! He changes the subject too quickly. I hope he meant separately with that bath comment.

"Wh...what? You idiot, we can't bath together. That's wrong!" I yelled.

"Silly Lovi, I meant separately of course, but if you wanted to have a bath with me, you should have asked sooner~."

"No, you bastard. I didn't mean it like that. I meant..."

"I know what you meant Lovi. I was just teasing." He interjected. "You always take my jokes so seriously."

"That's because your jokes aren't even funny." I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Aw Lovi, you're so cute. Your cheeks are so red, like a tomato~."

"Stop comparing me to a fruit.

"But, Lovi tomatoes are cute and so are you."

"I'm not." I grumbled, puffing my cheeks out. Is he blind or something? If I'm cute, he's the Queen of England.

"Don't be silly, of course you are."

"No you're the one being stupid. How can a teenage boy be cute?"

"'Cause; you are."

"I told you: I am not. That doesn't even answer the question."

"Lots of gay guys that bottom are cute." He said stupidly.

"Are you saying I'm gay and like to bottom?" I snarled.

"Wait, no. That's not what I meant."

"I am not gay. I like pretty girls."

"I know that Lovi. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." He apologised.

"Well, you said it didn't you?" How dare he call me that after what happened!?

"Yeah, but Lovi..."

"Just shut up!" I warned.

"Lovi, please. All that I meant was that there are men who are cute. Even men who aren't gay, okay?" He sighed. "I didn't mean anything bad by it."

"Fine whatever." I grunted in response. "Don't be getting any ideas. Just because you're gay; it doesn't mean that I have to be too."

"Lovino, it wasn't an insult or anything."

"Are you sure?" I remarked. "Getting some guy's dick shoved up your ass doesn't sound good to me."

"Well yeah. Why would I say it as an insult if I am gay?" He asked, biting his lip in what seemed to be concentration. "Some people find it good."

"How should I know? I don't know how your mind works and I don't see why you would stick a dick where you shit out of. It doesn't seem nice at all."

"It feels good though, so that's probably why." He explained.

"Easy for you to say, you like that kind of stuff, pervert!"

"Does it even matter? If you don't like it don't do it. I'm not a pervert!" He whined.

"I'm just saying that it doesn't seem what was intended, Two men can't produce children, so what's the point?"

"Technically they can with all the technology we have now other than that Love is the point Lovi."

"Who said anything about love? We are talking about sex here. Love and sex are different."

"Most people have sex out of love."

"It still seems wrong and dirty."

"Love is never wrong Lovi."

"Not even if it is between an animal and a person or a thirty year old and an eight year old?"

"Okay, there are exceptions. But if you are both old enough and of the same species, it doesn't matter. Love is love, no matter who you may find it in."

"It didn't look like love when your so called 'lover' tried to rape me." I exclaimed. He just looked at me as if I had taken his last tomato. He sighed in defeat while dropping his gaze to the floor, much like a child being scolded by their parents. Maybe that wasn't the smartest thing to say. "A...Antonio, that didn't come out right. I meant..."

"No. It's quite all right Lovi. You are correct. He did not love me. If he did, he would not have tried to do such a thing to mi poco tomate. Ha. He played me for a fool."

"Antonio I..."

"Yes Lovi~?" He smiled, changing moods faster than a hormonal teenager.

"I'm...so...sorry. I shouldn't have said that, but you were being a stupid bastard. Maybe if you weren't so idiotic you wouldn't get hurt so many times." Yeah, this wasn't the first time someone took advantage of his kindness.

"Ha, ha. I realise that now Lovi, but thanks for pointing it out." Idiot. How many times had he said this? Too many I think. Once should be enough, but he's so kind and thick-headed and oblivious. He always leads himself to see the good in everyone. (Except Arthur of course.) He loves almost anyone and everyone. He is too nice for his own good. It's always his downfall in a relationship. Poor, stupid bastard. Not like I give a shit, but he's my guardian, so I kind of have to at least try to care if even a little.

"Do you like my cooking Lovi~?" He asked me sweetly, returning to his seat. "You seem like you do."

"I'm eating it aren't I? Dumb-ass."

"Of course you are." He leaned over and smoothed the hair on my head, his fingers dancing over my scalp. "So soft~." He hummed in content. I moved into the touch ever so slightly, hoping he wouldn't notice. The oblivious fucker didn't. Thank god. "So pretty; so smooth. How sweet."

"My hair is not pretty or sweet."

"It is Lovi and so are you." I visibly paled at that. "Que Lindo." I just growled in annoyance. "Just kidding~!"

"So, you don't think I'm handsome though?" I pouted mockingly, batting my eye lashes in what I deemed an attractive way. He grinned at me, flashing pearly whites in my direction.

"You'll make some pretty woman, one happy woman indeed. If she doesn't swoon first that is." He joked. At least I think he was joking.

"I'll be beating off with a stick as soon as I hit eighteen." I said, half serious. "They'll have to compete for me."

"Just don't go breaking people's hearts now Lovi~." He laughed. "I want you to become a great man that I can be proud of. I know you will and for that I am proud of you already."

"Sappy fucker." I blushed. He sure thought highly of me.

"It's only natural that I be proud of you, after all I did raise you in a way."

"Not really." I lied.

"I've looked after you since you were 12. Five years is quite some time."

"You were way too young to look after me properly though, so it was mostly your parents' maids that had the responsibility."

"Okay, but I was sixteen then. I so could."

"You were still in school and were too busy with your friends and being a hormonal teenage boy."

"Cut me some slack, at least I persuaded my parents to let you live with us."

"Yeah. Then your parents left us when they found out you were gay."

"Hm. They still let us live here and the maids helped us until I finished school then it was just eighteen year old me and..."

"Fourteen year old me. I know the story. I lived it damn-it." I interrupted harshly. Who cares though? He was being stupid. "Then you sent me to live with my brother for a while until you settled into college. I was sent back to live with when I was fifteen. So you've only actually looked after me for about two and a half years maybe or something like that."

"Hey; I helped for like four." He pouted.

"Well it was my grandfather who raised me for twelve years, so there." I argued. No way in hell was he winning this argument.

"I've known you since you were born. Remember my parents were close to your grandfather. They worked together and everything. I thought you were a girl though, until we went swimming with your grandpa and Feli."

"That just shows you how well you knew me. You didn't even know my gender, you bastard!"

"It was not my fault. You were unnaturally cute and ever so slightly feminine for a boy."

"I was not!"

"You wore dresses." He smirked.

"Those were not dresses. They were traditional robes." I snarled.

"Could have fooled me and you did too. They resembled dresses."

"At least I didn't wear big, frilly nightgowns." I called mockingly.

"So? Those were really comfortable and breezy. You wore overly large shirts with tiny bloomers underneath them."

"I bet you still wear them. How do you know what was underneath, pervert!?"

"Yeah, I do. So what? They're nice and warm too. Let's just say during sleepovers you had a habit of kicking me awake and sleeping with your little legs spread." He offered.

"Stupid, weird, perverted bastard!"

"I'm not. I was only eight at the time."

"Yeah and I was four. Cradle snatcher." I accused.

"I wasn't even interested in that kind of stuff yet. I never even knew that it existed then. All I knew was that I thought you were a cute girl."

"Even though I was clearly a boy."

"I already said I didn't know."

"You must have been gender blind."

"But you were so cute~!" He cheered. "How misleading."

"Shut up. Remember the time the fuck face tried to kiss me?"

"Who? Oh, you mean Francis right? He has really always liked you."

"Well, I don't like him. He's freaky and kind of scary when he tries to do things like that."

"It's all in fun. I think mostly at least." He sighed. "I wouldn't want him doing anything that you're extremely uncomfortable with."

"Neither would I." I hummed in agreement. "I'd rather it was Femke or some other pretty girl."

"If you don't mind me asking; how was your first kiss with her?"

"Why do you want to know that?" I wondered in shock. Seriously. Why?

"Just want to know how you're doing with the ladies so far Lovi~."

"Honestly? My first kiss is yet to happen. I've had a few pecks on the cheek here and there, but nothing really serious or special for that matter."

"Oh, I see." He seemed kind of depressed about what I had just said. The question is why though?

"I'm hoping that Femke will be my first, but she kind of sees me as her younger brother. There's hope yet."

"You really like her, right?" He quizzed.

"Of course bastard. She is so gorgeous and super nice to me when everyone else isn't." I explained. "Wait. Why the hell am I telling you any of this!? It's none of your fucking business." He just gazed at me in utter surprise.

"Sorry Lovi. I didn't mean to pry. I just worry about you. Love can be harsh. It can make or break a person." He apologised sincerely.

"Silly fucker. What interest could you possibly have in this?"

"It's natural for a parent to worry about their child. That's why I'm curious."

"You are not my parent and I am not your child. You're only five years older than I am."

"I'm your guardian. The same rules apply?"

"What rules? There are none. My love life shouldn't have to be anything for you to worry about. It's not like I'm going to impregnate her or anything. And another thing; if you don't trust me just come out and say it."

"Whoa. Calm down. Of course I trust you. I just wanted to make sure that you were being safe and all, but since you haven't kissed anyone; I see there is nothing for me to worry about just yet."

"The hell!?" What the fuck was he implying!? That I'll never get that far with her? But he's always encouraged me to go after what I want in life. Why the change of heart?

"In that case. I'm just going to assume that everything is all good then Lovi."

"Sure jackass."

"Hmm. It seems to be getting kind of late." He confirmed looking at the clock. In other words; Francis and Gilbert are coming over for a drink and I'd rather you didn't see the state of us when we go all out. Yes. That was what he meant to say. What? It has happened before. "You can go to bed if you're tired. I won't blame you if you do. I'll wash up here."

"Okay then. G'night tomato bastard."

"Sweet dreams mi Lovi~."

* * *

**AN: And cue the RoBel-ish type thing. Weight is kind of a touchy area with me. Damn fast Metabolisms. Why can't I have one? I swear the people in my family must buy me clothes that are too large for me to make me feel better about myself. Oh well. C'est la vie. I have formed two chapters together as I didn't want to cut it off so early, so the next chapter will probably be quite short. Or not. Who knows? Any way, thank you for reading. Reviews are always appreciated. Thanks again. Bye.  
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